1 Day and 15 hours to Go ~ A Check Up

Here we are the day before my 5th Anniversay. I have been awake for hours. As I reflect on the past year I realize some important things. It has definately been a year of change. Change for the better. I have grown personally and I think that has suprised me the most. Goals are good steps to get you where you want to go, which hopefully is up. I chose up. Let's see how things went with today's post "The Check Up". (I am going to post this prematurely because tomorrow I want to talk about something different ~ our anniversary plans!)

My Health: I was physically sick when I started the year. My health has improved a great deal in that area. However, my mental health has taken a turn for the worse. That is a new mountain to climb for me, but I am doing it bit by bit each day. I am glad for my challenges in this area. I am learning much. Additionally, we have joined a gym and go there everyweek day morning either to walk on the treadmills or to do yoga. This has been a big blessing for us. Even our young teenage son Phil joins us there. As for eating more healthily, well ... that has not been tackled in the way I would have liked it to, but luckily I have a new year ahead to work on it again. LAURI, YOU DID GREAT WITH YOUR HEALTH CHALLENGES THIS YEAR.

My Relationship with my husband (EC or Eternal Companion) Mark: It has been a fun and interesting journey working toward this goal. It has also had its challenges as relationships sometimes will. I have learned how much I love Mark, how much he loves me, and how dedicated we are to each other and our marriage. I have come to appreciate marriage which has been a struggle for me since my first marriage. Mark and I can become one or like one in thought and deed. I love that concept. It takes work and commitment from both parties for it to work. We are far from perfect at it. This morning's conversation is proof of that. We did not understand where each other was coming from on a tender topic. We chose to be gentle and kind to each other regardless. That I appreciate the most about Mark. I definitely could not have come so far on this goal without him, how ironic. (Smiles) MARK, I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

My Relationship with my children: This has been the most remarkable aspect of the year for me. I have listened to them and heard them. I have talked with them about sweet and important things. I have seen my children for who they really are: intelligent, kind, loving people. I have enjoyed their successes. I have expressed my pride for them and genuinely made myself available to them. I have not done as well as I would have liked to about calling them weekly or visiting them quarterly. I would like to do that better next year. Some of my children may not need or want such contact and I will be working on determining that as well. Our good news just received at Christmas time is that two new grandbabies will be born this summer and our oldest daughter Nauni and her husband (who have not been blessed yet with children) have put in their application for adoption. This will add to our family again. We love it! (Shameless self promotion: If any of you know of someone looking for an amazing adoptive set of parents, I know some. Contact me. Smiles.) Anyway, I love my kids! I am glad I am their Mom. Kids, YOU ARE AWESOME. Thanks for being mine.

Well, there's the report. Thanks for coming along on this journey with me. If I can accomplish things like this, so can you. I did it one baby step at a time. I have climbed mountains time and time again with each goal, each challenge. I encourage you to think about your past year. How far have you come? Where will you go next year with your goals? I wonder what my goals will be. TO MY READERS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT and GOOD LUCK IN YOUR OWN CHALLENGES AND JOURNEYS THROUGH LIFE. We can do it!

Many of you readers have enjoyed and followed this blog of mine. I have heard reports of sadness at the thought of ending it as my 5th Anniversary draws near. Honestly, I planned on ending it then. However, since the goals of this blog are ones that are so applicable to others I had not considered you. Therefore, I will continue to write and work on accomplishing more of the goals listed on my tabbed pages Health, Love Affair, and Children. Tomorrow I will write about where we will go on our Anniversary. Stay tuned.

2 Days to Go ~ I Love that Man of Mine!

I am in love! My husband and EC (Eternal Companion) is named Mark. He is my partner, counselor and friend. We help each other with projects and life. He strengthens me and I strengthen him. We go to yoga together, we have lunch together, we go for walks together. We love each other and it shows in our countenances every day. 

As there are only 2 days left until our 5th Anniversary we are amazed to look back at the journey we have been on! We have laughed and cried, created and destroyed, repaired and endured. We have remodeled our house, painted and reroofed it, cleared out our backyard, helped three children marry, received four grandchildren with two on the way, sent a son on a two-year mission for our church to Paraguay and received two other sons home from missions (one to Paraguay, one to Guatemala). We have helped a grown daughter and her husband move to Idaho with their young daughter, helped another daughter through her divorce, and sent another daughter off to college in Texas. During all of that we have have six major surgeries in our house. Change has been our constant companion. We have worked together for good during my illness and we are actually making sense of it and application for the future. We have served ourselves and others. We have grown as our children have grown.

That's five years for the record books in our house! We have succeeded! Mark, I love you forever and always. Thank you for all you are and all you do. Thanks for always being yourself and teaching me how to be okay just being me.

I Love that Man of Mine!

3 Days to Go ~ I Have Issues

issue (ish' oo) n. [< L ex-, out + ire, go] 1 an outgoing; outflow 2 a result; consequence 3 offspring 4 a point under dispute, etc.

I have issues. Health issues. I wonder which definition for issue relates to me. Let's see. I wish my health was outgoing or outflowing so that probably isn't it. My health is poor right now as a result of something or a consequence of something. ??? Alright, I give there. It would be funny if my health was an offspring of something else. Hmmm. That is something to think about. And finally, let's put my health as a point under dispute because I certainly dispute it. 

I wish I could so easily issue other things out of my mind, like the committee of swirling thoughts that keeps my body in constant stress. Then, perhaps I would not have any health issues! But alas, the issue (or consequence) there is that I would not be becoming the person I am today without the issue. 

Am I grateful for my health? A shout arises, "Yes."

Am I grateful for my issues? "No," comes a whimper. 

Would I trade my issues with someone else? "No," my voice finds strength as my insight grows.

Then, I say to myself, "Be glad for your issues. Their design is perfect for you. You can overcome them, and in fact are overcoming them one step at a time. You are transforming into a new and different person which you did not have access to before. Keep up the good work."

Am I grateful for my issues now? "Yes," quietly.

Then suddenly, issued with growing confidence, "Hurray for issues! Hurray for strength! Hurray for change!"

I can do this!

5 Days to Go ~ Kody's 4th Birthday!

Yesterday was my first grandchild's birthday. This was a wonderful opportunity to talk to him. I called him on the phone as we live far away from each other. Kody turned four! Wow!

Kody: Hello Nana Lauri
Nana Lauri: (sings "Happy Birthday")
Kody: (laughs)
Nana Lauri: Are you 4 years old today?
Kody: Ya. I'm gonna be 5.
Nana Lauri: (laughs)

Lessons from children are the best!

Kody has no worries. He is well taken care of by my oldest son and his wife, Jake and Lacey. He has a little sister, Eden, a year behind him to teach and play with. He enjoys his life! And, ... he looks forward to the future.

As my Grammy always said, "God love 'em." (smiles)

6 Days to Go ~ Children Bless our Lives

I have children, seven of my own and three step-children. I love them all. The ones born to me were with me for twenty-five years before my step-children joined us five years ago. They all range from 13 years old to 29.  I love them! They give me challenge, joy, and encouragement. They are unique and amazing to be with! Their diversity surprises me as quickly as their commonality. They are wonderful examples of goodness.  Their troubles bring me sorrow. Their sweetness calms my soul. My spirit soars with the clouds with their accomplishments. They bless each other and they bless me! KIDS, I LOVE YOU!

Love you for always,

Mom

7 Days to Go ~ Balance

I am growing an appreciation for Balance. As a self-check today I asked myself how balanced I feel. How balanced is my marriage? How balanced is my relationship with my children? How about my world? Interesting things came to mind. A quick check told me I am balancing them, maybe not as well as someone else would, but as well as I can in this moment today. I was pleased with the assessment! Woo Hoo!

8 Days to Go ~ Water and Me

Today my EC and I are going for a walk along one of our local canals. What fun! I love walking by water. I love the sounds, the sights, the smells, and if I can reach it the touch of water outdoors in nature. It calms me and soothes my soul. I love being with Mark. He is so kind and courageous. He knows what is important. He loves me and my family. He is AWESOME! And, I get to go out with him this morning in one of my favorite settings!

Mark, you are like water to me. You calm me and soothe my soul. Thank You!

10 Days to Go ~ The End of the Year

I had a calming thought today, in a sometimes busy and hectic world. I learned it from yoga. Yoga is a class my family has attended this year at the gym as one of our goals. Yeah for Yoga! It stretches and releases our bodies and our minds. So, today we went to yoga, just like we do each Tuesday and Thursday morning at 6:30. What was different today for me surprised me. I struggled to concentrate. I struggled to participate. I realized how stubborn I was being. My mind raced, not to come back to the teacher's instructions, but to leave the class. One concept of yoga is No Judgment. So I chose to do yoga differently today. I concentrated when I could, and I took long deep breaths when I couldn't. I didn't judge myself for not participating the way everyone else was. I like the concept of not judging. We can just accept the moment where we are.

As my year comes to a close I want to use that concept in evaluating the yearlong goals as I set at the beginning of this blog. The challenge set out early was basically to improve my health, my relationship with my husband, and to be available for my children. Looking back, I have come pretty far this year. I am excited about it. My health took me on an unexpected journey for the good. My husband and I are closer than ever and love it. My children have grown and prospered. I may not have accomplished every small step to get to the main goals, but without judgment that doesn't matter. What matters is that I am moving forward. Yeah for Me! Yeah for my husband! Yeah for my children, their spouses, and their children.

12 Days to Go ~ Rage: The Lessons are Still Pouring In

I suppose since our anniversary is fast approaching the lessons must come quickly as well. Last night's lessons involve (suspenseful drumroll here) RAGE. In recent years I have actually learned how to let my anger show. Now it is getting, or at least feeling like it is getting, out of control. I definitely have rage. Yes. That secret, ugly word that we don't talk about. Shhhhh. Not only do we not talk about it, but we won't even let ourselves admit we might have it. It is evil at best and scary at worst. It affects everyone around us negatively. It is really spelled HURT.

"I ain't afraid of no stinkin' rage," I say to myself.

"Right," comes a lofty whisper.

The thing I wish most not to be in the world, I became last night. Enraged. My sweet husband that he is (with shield in hand) helped me work through all of that at one in the morning. We survived. Luckily lessons were learned for both.

I didn't like the feelings I had, nor the power surge it gave me, but I appreciate the emotion so much more now having experienced it for myself and having recognized it in me for myself. That is huge to me! Now it is my responsibility to handle situations differently and more effectively. I love my family. And, I am learning to love myself as well. Thank You, God.

Lesson: Rage is an expression of deep-seeded anger. It hurts people we love. It hurts us. It is not an effective tool in communication and often is so dangerous it is hard to recover from. It requires strength, determination and a loving friend, I think, to overcome it. At least that's what helped me. I have a choice. It would be to my advantage to always remember that and to understand useful tools to deal with the increased heart rate and overwhelming power that rage brings with it.

Tool #1: Three Deep Breaths

Tool #2: When calm talking is not possible, Time Out

As for me? Yeah for Time Outs! 

13 Days to Go ~ Let's Talk About Tears

Tears are the witnesses of our pain. Today I cried. Real tears. I haven't always been able to do that. Today's cry hurt in that good kind of way like when someone rubs your sore shoulder muscles. Today I was sad. And, that's okay!

14 Days to Go ~ Grounding a Worrier

Do my goals provide a time for getting grounded, enjoying each moment and smelling the flowers?
How can I effectively reach my goals?

I have learned that the goal will be reached more effectively through attentiveness than by supposition that merely being on the right mountain you will get to the top. 

I will fill you in on various lessons I have learned as I go along, even writing beyond my anniversary (The Deadline) in order to share with you the most amazing places my journey has taken me. But, with just two weeks to go until my 5th anniversary I must continue to focus on the moment. Taking advantage of each thought as it relates to my goals whether they be about my husband, my children, or myself. Today's blog relates to me. I have worked on meditation in order to be more grounded (or present to the here and now). Come, practice with me.

• Meditation is focusing and breathing. Observe what is going on around you, but don't judge it or yourself. See the observation with your mind's eye. Describe it, put a word to it. Then let that observation float away on a cloud, one observation at a time, until you are only aware of the current moment. Do this practice in a calm place.

• Quiet your mind to stop your wandering thoughts for a moment. Ask yourself the following questions slowly, paying close attention to your breath. Slow deep breath in. Slow deep breath out. Close your eyes. If you don't want to close your eyes, concentrate on a spot on the wall. 

1. Can you see the blackness or the spot? Describe it. "I see blackness." Don't judge it. Now, float it away. 
2. Can you hear what is around you? 
3. Can you smell anything? 
4. Can you feel your chair beneath you with your fingers or feel your shirt? 
5. What do your insides feel like? Is your heart quietly pumping? Do you feel a particular emotion? 
6. How about your outsides? Are you cold or hot? 
7. Notice each thing, describing it, and then floating it away.

This type of quieting the mind centers or grounds you. I am not good at this. My mind wanders constantly and I have to force myself to return. 

Being grounded helps us not worry about the past or the future, but to stay only in the present. This is a goal for me. It involves the awareness of others around me as well. Using the tool of meditation help to keep my worrying stay manageable. I had no idea how much I had become a worrier. I am learning to identify each worry and then focus on it as follows:

1. Can I do anything about it?
2. If so, set a goal and list some small steps to get there. Then, do it.
3. If not, leave it alone and move on to something else.

Then I ask myself some questions like these: What is day is today? What small steps toward my goal are planned for today? What needs to, or better yet could be, done today? Who needs cared for? How will that be done? Have I considered my own needs? This method beats worrying hands down!

So for today's goal: I will stay in today, make a plan, using baby steps and meditating when necessary. And, I will smell some flowers. How about you?

15 Days to Go ~ What a Journey!

K-2, the mountain where some epic journeys have begun.

How is it that I have missed writing on my blog for 241 days? I have been on a journey yet to be written.  I did not imagine as I began my "Eat, Pray, Love: The Challenge" blog that I would need to be AWOL for the journey to continue. I apologize for my absence only with the excitement of telling you why.

I have been to the valleys of despair and the mountains of triumph.

Thinking I was set to describe my year long goals with you, I have learned more importantly what the year could really do for me personally.

This morning I was dreaming about my children. Anxiety came to my soul as I pondered some of the hurts they had suffered in this life. My dream allowed me to see a new perspective on things. Where there was suffering, there was also learning. I wondered, "Am I up to climbing that mountain one more time to look?"

I have been on the mountain before. Many times. I climb, I slip, I rest, I climb, and sometimes I tumble back to the bottom. Today, I am way up that mountain. Up in the clouds. I am excited. The air is thin here. My heart races. I can do this. I put one foot in front of the other.