256 Days to Go ~ Got a New Job

I got a new job this week as a full-time temporary receptionist in a large HOA management company.

I am tired!

... just saying.

261 Days to Go ~ The Desires of My Heart

This is today's post from my main blog "Daisies are Pink?" I wrote it as part of a poetry challenge because April is National Poetry Month. I wanted to share this poem here because it was very insightful to me. I let my mind wander as I filled in the blanks of the simple format I had been given: What if...  I might..., etc. As my mind wandered and I dreamed, I was at peace within myself. I was happy.

What makes you happy?

262 Days to Go ~ Lessons from the Indian Prayer

Yesterday I had the sweetest of experiences. I decided that one way to stop arguing with family members would be to change how I talk to them. It was suggested to me by a close friend that I might try to see things from the other person's perspective. That was a very difficult challenge for me. Immediately this old Indian prayer came into my mind. I wondered, "What is it like over there where the person I am talking to is sitting? What do they see in me? What are they hearing from me? Why would that person be frustrated with me or the situation at hand? Or, even more simply to take "me" completely out of the conversation at hand and to focus for a moment on the other person, to walk a mile in his or her moccasins.

What an astounding conversation came from that experiment! It was worth trying again! So, throughout the day I applied that same principle with other people I spoke to, whether they were family members, friends or telemarketers. The results again were surprising. I was able to feel more peaceful and loving during the conversations. I had nothing to guard against because it wasn't all about me. 

I know it may come as an interesting tidbit of things to know about me, but yes... sometimes I protect myself so well that I forget that I have all of the planets rotating around me again by the wave of my very hand. Did you know we are all that powerful? Well, I do, and it doesn't become me. I don't want to behave that way, yet at times my unforgiving autopilot kicks in and I am then not really listening to people around me anymore. I hear them, and I think I listen, but I don't try very hard to understand where they are coming from. Not good for two-way communicating, only for self-centeredness.

Yesterday's lesson, a lesson from long ago, appeals to me because of my challenge to be more healthy ~ emotionally and mentally healthy. From that goal, I've come up with some emotional exercises. We exercise our bodies, we exercise our minds, why not our emotions? Here's the exercises I'd like to implement:

LEVEL 1: (Beginners) Before you speak, walk a mile in your companion's moccasins.

LEVEL 2: (Advanced) Before you criticize, walk a mile in your companion's moccasins.

Because I will be on Level 1 for a while, probably a long while, please be patient with me if I am slow to respond in a conversation of value. I will be imagining how your walk has been so I can match my footsteps to it. Pass it on!

264 Days to Go ~ All over the Map

The ideal way to get to one's goals.

The way I get to my goals.

I definitely see a difference here between these two methods. One is calm and one is CraZy. Do they both get the work done?

That's questionable!! Moan! I am all over the map! I need someone to save me from myself! Yikes! I wonder how the rest of the people out there do planning. My day goes like this:

I have 45 things to do under Miscellaneous. I have 3 things to do under Errands. I have 8 things to do under Phone Calls. I have 2 things to do under House Repairs. I have 3 things to do under Finances. I have 5 things to do under Housework. I have 6 things to do under Writing (Work). I have 11 things to do under Family Needs. I have 4 things to do under Discuss with Husband. In addition, surprise a call comes from school to pick my sick child and my husband called just after that to go to lunch.

This kind of schedule is unmanageable to me. So, I do one thing that is important and then, another thing that is important, and... before I know it, I am all over the map again and confused as all get out about what to do next. This is not fun for me. There must be more effective ways out there than mine.

I heard once to separate your life into three areas of focus only ~ that your brain can only focus on three things at a time. Then, do the most important thing in each of those areas everyday, that way the three most important things are getting done each day. That works great if you only have three areas to focus on. What do you do when you have oodles of areas to focus on? Each with their very own very important thing to get done that day? Please advise.

Signed,
Lost in the City

265 Days to Go ~ The Clocks Around Us

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. That's how the clocks used to sound when I was a child. They measured out the beat of the day. On the hour, each and every hour, even throughout the night, they'd chime the time dismissing the passing hour and welcoming the new. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Bong. Bong. Bong.

We knew when to wake, when to go the school, when to return, when to eat supper and when to go to bed by the chiming of the clocks around us. It was not a noisy, annoying sound, but a familiar, constant sound.

Nowadays, we have technology that brings us the silence of digital watches. Even my wristwatch, which is not digital, is quiet. Its mechanisms are muted as if by magic. The digital clocks brightly glare at us from across the rooms and through the nights on our Super 5000 Go-Underwater sport watches. We all look to tell the time.

I liked it better when we listened to tell the time. I wish for those simpler days for other reasons as well.

Back then we had schedules to follow. We knew where to be and when.

Now, in contrast, we have schedules to follow. Many, many schedules to follow. We overbook and overlook events on a regular basis. We do not always know where to be and when. On top of  that, we have the demands that others place on us in daily life: school, work, motherhood, fatherhood, church duties, community duties, kids activities, social activities... and... and... 

We are tripping all over ourselves and our kids and our neighbors, not to mention the toys on the steps leading to the front door and the pile of clean laundry growing off the sofa and onto the living room floor. Our hands, of course, are filled with books and papers just carried in from the car and no matter how hard we try to kick the clean clothes aside, the more entangled our legs become and our balance is thrown off. Our children busting out in laughter at the whole debacle.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Slow that all down. Schedule less. Clear the room. Try out the sofa. Read a book. In all the things you have to do in the day, do you fit into the schedule too? 

Does your day fly by you as your schedules do, as the digital clock does, silently marking the minutes of your life in past tense? The clocks around us know the tally, but we seem to rarely notice they're counting. After all, we are in charge ~ not the clocks.

Right.

266 Days to Go - Yep, I Exercised!!

Do you see the cry of anguish on Miss Purple?
Yah, that could be me, amplified by ten. (smiles)

I know this is a big surprise for you, because it certainly is for me... I exercised, a real genuine workout session with my grown daughter leading us. Her husband, my 14-year-old daughter, my 12-year-old son, and me (Miss Are You Kidding Me?) 

It goes like this:

We move the furniture in our TV room to make space for all of us, and we follow an intense 20-minute DVD workout, with NO STOPPING mind you. It's in the orders given by the militant instructor, sweet as she is, on the DVD. She says 20 minutes a day with me without stopping is like 2 hours in a gym. Well, she definitely has my attention now.

My muscles burn. My legs strain under my weight, which though not much, is obviously enough! My mouth cries out, "Nooooooo! This hurts!" I pant. I whine. I am determined that the little kids aren't going to kick my butt here, so I keep at it. Every bit of the routine. I have no 3 pound weights like my adult kids do. (I have joined them unprepared.) I use 2 cans of refried beans. They work. My husband is concerned that I will... oops! and throw a can at a kids or something while I work out, so I hold those cans extra tightly. I'm a dyin' here. Encouragement comes from up front. My grown daughter gives me a thumbs up and a "Way to go!" I am encouraged. Good for her. I keep going on. I lay down for the Crunch. I dread it. I do it anyway, well sort of. I stand for the Jumping Jacks. "Uggggggh!" I hiss under my breath. I look. Good, no one seemed to notice. They are all intent on their own discomfort. I'm standing in the back. No one can really see me. I could cheat here. But, no! I stay true, all the way to the almost end. I am suffering so. It's al - most - over - like - only - two - minutes - to - go. The phone rings. I ignore it. I am determined still to finish this darn routine! I am fat and I am going to tighten up - these - stinking - muscles! 

My ever-so-dear husband brings me the cell phone. I look at his with my you've-got-to-be-kidding-me eyes. He smiles. On the phone is my ever-so-very-sick-with-cancer brother who I haven't talked with for a few weeks. A dilemma, I know! What to do?? Two minutes to go...

I take the call. I am so glad I did. I love my brother.

My fat will still be here tomorrow.

268 Days to Go - Can I Tell You Something More?

So, the conversation went like this:

ME:   "I am trying to tell you what I think just happened."
HIM: "I get it."

ME:   "But, I'm trying to tell you something else."

HIM: "I get it, you said [blah, blah, blah]."

ME:   "Can I tell you something more?"

HIM: "I get it! You said [blah, blah, blah]." 

ME:   "But, you don't seem to understand me. I am frustrated because I can't figure out
          how to tell you what I am thinking or you are misunderstanding what I am really
          saying. I feel incomplete in our communication."

Silent minutes pass.

HIM: "Can I tell you what I think you said?"

ME:   "Oh, I would love that!"

HIM: "I think you said [blah, blah, blah]."

ME:   "Oh, wonderful! You are 75% correct!"

HIM: "I am? That's great!"

ME:   "Can I fill in the extra 25% for you?"

HIM: "I would like that."

ME:   "I feel a pain in my heart because I think you have been helping me, but when you

           [blah, blah, blah], I can't [blah, blah, blah]. So, I get angry at you, but you aren't 

           doing anything wrong. You actually are helping me, but it would help me even 

           more if you could [blah, blah, blah]. That way I wouldn't feel [blah, blah, blah]."

HIM: "Oh, I didn't realize that was how you saw things. I think I understand now. You

          [blah, blah, blah] when I [blah, blah, blah]. So next time, I could [blah, blah, blah]."

ME:   "Yes. You are 85% there! Can I tell you about the other 15%?"

HIM: "Gladly."

Both smiling, the conversation continued for a few more minutes while I was able to safely talk about the deepest part, my surprise at how I was reacting to the topic of the original conversation and realizing that we had been in the same situation about that same topic many times before and that I did not, would not, recognize how deep my emotions were about it. I was subconsciously stuffing them away. It was not as he assumed because I was afraid of him or his reaction, it was because I have a pattern of stuffing emotions quickly away that hurt. I have stuffed things before, but in the past years I thought I always knew when I was doing it. This time my realization was a minor shock to me. I did not know I was stuffing something. It was important for me to deliver that message of surprise at myself to my husband. Would he understand? 

After a simple explanation of my surprise at myself, he really did get it. He repeated to me what I had just said with clarity. He understood!

Now, my communication was 100% complete with him. My frustration was heard. My concerns understood. A solution found. My surprise revealed. The potential stalemate had been abated. We were so proud of ourselves!

I am ever so grateful for a loving husband. He wants to communicate. I want to communicate. Sometimes, it is down right hard work. Ok, usually it is down right hard work if the topic has depth to it because we both are trying so hard to say things but our emotions are involved. We aren't taking the time to understand them for ourselves, let alone to convey them well or hear the other person's emotions. But boy, do we act emotional during those times. Yikes! Our defenses are so raised that our conversations  stalemate quickly. I wonder how many conversations we have had that stalemated at the high understanding of 75% of the conversation with each of us thinking the percentage was down around the 10% mark, and we felt like failures, one or both of us emotionally or physically leaving the conversation,  both us frustrated and unfulfilled.

What I am coming to see is that perhaps the last 25% or so of a conversation like that, an undelivered communication, maybe emotional, a scary word for many of us. If that is the case, no wonder defenses go up. Who readily admits their emotions might be standing in their way! It's easy to see when someone else's emotions are bugging you, but to see your own emotions taking over your conversation is enlightening. Admitting it is truly communicating. Doing that in a calm and considerate manner is result-producing. Now, that's communicating! Did each of you really hear the other person? Really? Good.

Mission accomplished: Communication at 100% Complete without Casualties. (smiles)

269 Days to Go - Relaxing in the Emergency Room?

My very first attempt at a Zentango.
by Lauri L. Egan © 6 APR 2010

My daughter Kayli's Zentango the same day.
"Mom, you don't know how to do this? Jeez!"
by Kayli Rose Bredsguard © 6 APR 2010
Kayli wants to know if you can see the duck.

"Kayli and Mom in the ER (Emergency Room) for Meds"
by Lauri L. Egan © 6 APR 2010
CLICK on the picture to enlarge it
so you can see Kayli and me in the middle (smiles)

My fourteen-year-old daughter Kayli Rose has a headache EVERY single day. This is a chronic illness that she deals with daily along with breathing problems and other maladies. She is the most amazing sick person that I have ever met. She hurts every day with a smile on her face and is as playful as could be. She enjoys her friends and laughs and runs around like everybody else. So, when she is worn out, she is really hurting. This happens frequently. Last night after two days of treatments at home for her severe headaches, we ended up in the ER for some IV medications.

To help us pass the time I started trying to Zentango. My friend Thea does it and I don't. She says it is very relaxing to do ~ this special form of art. To me, I see Zen Garden in the name and so I am sold on the idea immediately. Trying to understand more about Zentango, I looked it up on Google and found a website: Zentangle.com. Now that I've linked this post to the website, I see that I don't even know the proper name. It is ZENTANGLE which makes more sense since the idea is to doodle what ever you see or feel and fill the whole page never erasing anything. There are no mistakes, just turn a stray line into something else. At least I think that's what Zentangle is. (smiles)

So, Kayli and I Zentangled last night to relax.

Her headache did not really improve with the medications but her pain dropped from an 8.5 to a 5 and Kayli thought she could at least sleep with that kind of pain. Really? Yep. And she did. Today another call to her neurologist for guidance... and a lot of sleeping for Kayli. Her head is feeling better today though she is exhausted.

We had fun Zentangling in the ER. It was relaxing. Something new to put in my toolbox for Emotional Health.

271 Days to Go - This is So Me!

This is from my favorite scene. It's called "Undecided".

I loved this movie! The whole thing was great, but I do have my favorite part. That scene hit way too close to home. To see it, CLICK on the following link:

                                                  Rapunzel in "Undecided"   

When you get to the site where the link takes you, please wait patiently through the 20 second baby commercial for the clip from Rapunzel that shows immediately following it.

* I understand there may be some technical difficulties seeing the clip. If you are in that situation please do the following: If the video clip does not automatically come on after the baby commercial then look directly to the right of the commercial box to the "Spotlight" box. Inside there you will see the Tangled clip called "Undecided". Click on that and the video should play. it is 45 seconds long, but hysterical... at least to me. (smiles)

This scene is me in so many ways! That's all I've got to say about that! (smiles)

272 Days to Go - Bringing Comfort

With all the busy things we do during each day, I find bringing comfort to someone, one of the most rewarding. Is as simple as a nod, a smile, a hug. Sometimes it is given through forgiveness. Sometimes through a letting down of one's guard. Bringing comfort is an opportunity to put someone else's needs before our own, to observe the world through another's eyes, to help bear another's burdens. 

To some people bringing comfort to others comes so naturally, to some it is a talent being perfected through practice, time and time again.

Why is it that one person helps and another walks on by? Just something to ponder. I have helped at times, and I have walked on by at times. We have an opportunity to bless the lives of others if will look outside of ourselves instead of looking inward. I know I often am so busy that I don't even notice people nearby me, be they family or not. That's not the kind of person I want to be. Sometimes, I even seem more caring about strangers than with my own family.

May my heart be full of compassion and my eyes and ears always be open to those around me, especially my family. They are who I want to be with forever. They are my primary responsibility.

To my family: I am glad "We Hug in This Joint!" We were taught this by my grown son, Joe, as he welcomed people to our home so freely. It has become our family motto.

What if we added this motto? "We Have Compassion for Each Other in This Joint!" How would our home lives be different if we bore each other's burdens instead of worrying so much about our own?

Thanks for the Lesson, Joe. (smiles)

274 Days to Go - Acceptance Means No Judgment

Which relationship could you do better?
Your parents, brothers, sisters, spouse, children, friends?
Your neighbors, boss, co-workers, clients, students?

~  If it's to be, it's up to me. ~

I want to share with you something that has been an important part of my growth over the past years: Acceptance Means No Judgment. To truly get along with someone, I think accepting them is the best method. We really have no way of changing a person to be who we want them to be. Nagging doesn't work. Being angry doesn't work. Criticizing doesn't work. Punishment and belittlement don't work. At the contrast to that, even loving them doesn't work. We are each free to be who we want to be. That freedom allows each of us the liberty to be obedient and/or disobedient, to find our own pathway through life, and to experience our own consequences. Those who stand in judgment only hinder the relationship that they are so badly trying to protect. Relationships aren't built on control. They are built on acceptance. 

If I don't judge you, I can hear you better. If you don't judge me, you can hear me better too. We each have a story to tell full of life experiences both good and bad. We each have done things we regret. We are no better than the next person because we _______________ (fill in the blank). The bottom line is that we simply are not better than the next person, no matter how hard we try to prove it.

Judging our children is damaging and long-lasting. Judging our spouses creates distance also, and in some cases even divorce. Judging our friends makes us friendless. Judging our neighbors keeps us from feeling at home in our own neighborhoods.

The day I learned this best was the day I stopped trying to fit one of my teenage children into the shoes of his older siblings. He had his own way of doing things. He didn't do them the way I wanted him to or expected him to. He was a free-spirit, but I wanted conformity. Neither of us was getting what we wanted from the other. We weren't happy with each other ... but we loved each other. 

That was the day the idea came to me to "Just Love Him!"

"I do, but he won't ...."

"Just Love Him!"

"OK," I told the quiet voice in my head.

My resolve weakened. In order to do that I was going to have to let go of all my worries and demands. The choice was NOT a difficult one to make for me. I DO love this child. I always have. Why was I making our lives so miserable? Why was I being so controlling? Did I really think he would do what I wanted him to just because I was whining about it? This method was not working for us! It only brought distance between us as he came home less and less. Who would want to come home to such complaining? Well, silly me, I thought he would. He didn't.

"Just Love Him!" I heard it again.

I don't know about you, but I do know me. I listened to that voice in my head. I have learned the value of paying attention when God talks to me ever so quietly. Right then and there, I let go of all the expectations and the frustrations, because I did love this guy with all my heart. I wanted the very best for him. I would just love him and support him in his endeavors, no matter what they be. He was and is a good kid! I knew that! He just was going to journey down his own path to becoming a man. 

Long story short, I applied that principle with him. I just loved him. I counseled him. I listened to him.

Basically, I STOPPED JUDGING HIM. That was the key. I ACCEPTED HIM FOR EXACTLY WHO HE WAS ~ A BELOVED SON OF GOD. How could I stand in judgment of him. I was only his nursemaid, his Mom. He was sent to me from a Heavenly Father who loved him. My job was to help him see that and to keep him safe. My job was to be there for him, not to scar him into submission, but to teach him and support him and to let him make his own decisions. The consequences would follow as they do for all of us. 

I, myself, am a free-spirit. Could I really expect anything less from my own children, or my friends, or my neighbors? My greatest desire is to just be accepted for who I am. Don't you? 

Look around you. Who would you get along with better if you Just Love Them and set judgment aside. That is what it means to be Christ-Like I think. I believe dynamics in families could be changed by that simple message. It applies to ourselves as well. When was the last time you accepted yourself? 

Acceptance Means No Judgment, it is full of Love! It makes a difference. Pass it On!

275 Days to Go - The Other Side of Communication

Yesterday I wrote a "random" post on another blog site that I maintain. It was called "Gaping Holes" . (Click on the name to see the post.) What I wrote turned out to be important to this blog, though I didn't know it would be. I wish I could just pull the whole post over to this site because it is so incredible to me.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Check the comments out ~ that's the part that taught me the most.