I suppose since our anniversary is fast approaching the lessons must come quickly as well. Last night's lessons involve (suspenseful drumroll here) RAGE. In recent years I have actually learned how to let my anger show. Now it is getting, or at least feeling like it is getting, out of control. I definitely have rage. Yes. That secret, ugly word that we don't talk about. Shhhhh. Not only do we not talk about it, but we won't even let ourselves admit we might have it. It is evil at best and scary at worst. It affects everyone around us negatively. It is really spelled HURT.
"I ain't afraid of no stinkin' rage," I say to myself.
"Right," comes a lofty whisper.
The thing I wish most not to be in the world, I became last night. Enraged. My sweet husband that he is (with shield in hand) helped me work through all of that at one in the morning. We survived. Luckily lessons were learned for both.
I didn't like the feelings I had, nor the power surge it gave me, but I appreciate the emotion so much more now having experienced it for myself and having recognized it in me for myself. That is huge to me! Now it is my responsibility to handle situations differently and more effectively. I love my family. And, I am learning to love myself as well. Thank You, God.
Lesson: Rage is an expression of deep-seeded anger. It hurts people we love. It hurts us. It is not an effective tool in communication and often is so dangerous it is hard to recover from. It requires strength, determination and a loving friend, I think, to overcome it. At least that's what helped me. I have a choice. It would be to my advantage to always remember that and to understand useful tools to deal with the increased heart rate and overwhelming power that rage brings with it.
Tool #1: Three Deep Breaths
Tool #2: When calm talking is not possible, Time Out
As for me? Yeah for Time Outs!
Dear Lauri, You and I have not allowed ourselves to feel emotions because of our past. We have had to either ignore them or deny them. This is something new for you and you are now learning how to recognize them and to deal with them. You are very fortunate to have lifesavers to help you through all this. I apreciate your willingness to share your recovery with me. The sooner you work through all this the sooner you will be able to free yourself from them. (pause) I am looking out the window and watching all the quail feeding in our back yard. Remember when Heavenly Father sent quail to his people in the wilderness in their time of need. He is also watching over you and is sending the people you need and allowing you to have these experiences to help strenghten you because you are finally ready to accept His help. This is part of the reason we have been sent to earth - to learn and to grow so we will be ready to live with Him some day. You are just that much closer to achieving this goal.(smile) I am excited for you to be able to progress so rapidly. It has taken me a lifetime to achieve these goals. Keep on keeping on! With love always, MOM XOOXOXXOX
ReplyDelete