349 Days to Go - "I Ain't Goin' Down Johnny Brown!"

This has been a motto of mine for many years. It comes from the musical "The Unsinkable Molly Brown" based on the real life of Molly Brown, my heroine. Long since passed away, Mrs. Brown has had an effect on me. Her story has inspired me to keep my head above water so to speak. She says, "I ain't never goin' cry Uncle!" ... but eventually she does. In the end she gives in for a reason she never foresaw. She got to the top, and she wasn't happy.  Along her route she left behind the very thing that made her happy - Mr. Johnny Brown.

How do I fit into this story? Well, as for Me, I'm still down on the ground, buried under "the boys" with my head mashed into the dirt. My cry is muffled under them. "I'm still a fight'n! I ain't never goin' cry Uncle!" (Basically, I'm at the bottom ... or the beginning of the story.)

Back to Molly. She did not have some super plan to get to the top, but she did have drive. She knew where she thought the top was, and who she wanted to be like. And, most importantly, she knew who she did not want to be like. With personality and tenacity she did the unbelievable, then in the end ... she found her humanity.

Her swinging pendulum of emotions and energy finally balanced in the middle.

I admire Molly Brown! Debbie Reynolds, who played Molly in the movie, endeared Molly to me. My soul wants to just be like Molly's was portrayed. I want to be myself. Accepted for me, just like I am. Going places, just because I can. Unsinkable, just because I am.

However, I'm a complicated woman. Will I ever accept that? Will I ever be okay just being me? Somehow I think Molly wasn't complicated. I feel like her life was so simple. That's just silly though!  She was complicated. I actually think she would laugh and laugh at that statement if she heard it. Johnny Brown would laugh for sure! Yes, Molly was super complicated! Molly and I are much alike, just ask our men.

Molly made it look so simple though, but the movies often do that. There is a part of me that just craves her early simplicity, yet as the story moves on, Molly didn't even want that simplicity. Molly wanted to learn. She wanted more. Her goals took her to Europe. She wanted to be refined. She wanted to be respected. (The more she learned, the more she wanted, the more complicated things became for her.)

When I look at my lofty goals posted on this blog and try to decide how to attain them, I suffocate inside! I dream high. I plan big. I try hard ... and I cry when it's too difficult. It's getting too difficult now. That's what made me think of Molly. I know Molly dreamed high, planned big, tried hard, and cried when it was difficult too.

Like her, my pathway will be long and uncertain, but rewarding. I still don't know quite where to go next on my journey, but may I never forget that my support won't be found among the royalty of Europe, but right here at home with my EC who loves me and wants the best for me.

That's all that Johnny wanted for Molly. But, she was discontent until she realized what she gave up. I think the lessons she learned along the way were invaluable so the route was difficult, but the truths were worth it.

May I find refinement and respect in the peaceful and graceful things around me. May I always be found Unsinkable! May I learn from Molly to appreciate that which I have. May my swinging pendulum of emotions and energy finally balance in the middle.

Molly, you set out to make a difference in this world, and by doing so you have influenced many, including me. Thank you!

"The real Molly Brown was a progressive, educated, Victorian woman."

** If any of you are interested in Molly's real story then I refer you to the following link: "Chasing Molly Brown" by The Denver Post. "Colorado's first lady of ore was not born in a Missouri cyclone. She didn't survive a flood at age 2. And she never bellied up to the bar, boys." Portrayed in "a reworked version of the musical" as a "glorious, inspiring, intelligent, passionate and funny feast of a woman" in Denver in the spring of 2009, the Denver Post reports that "What remains from the original is that 'unsinkable' remains a wonderful adjective to describe her."


My opinion of Molly Brown has not changed because of this information, but only become stronger. I like her!